Thursday, October 2, 2014

2014 Retro Cereal Boxes: Frankenberry!


2014 Monster Cereal!
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Continuing on with our week of Monster Cereal Mayhem is this years retro themed package for Frankenberry! If you have not already be sure to catch up to speed with this introduction article and yesterdays post on Count Chocula.

As I mentioned earlier, Count Chocula was always the leader of the pack. He was the one available for most of the year and had the most traditional flavoring of the trio. Frankenberry on the other hand... this dude was much more of a crapshoot.

You'd get him on extremely rare occasions in the middle of summer, but only for small shipments at a time. He would be much more likely to show up around the Halloween Season. Accompanying the same shelf space as Mr. Chocula. But he'd still be completely hit or miss.

I can remember going one or two year spans in which it was just Count Chocula. No Frankenberry. Then suddenly he'd show up and act like nothing was the matter.

Frankenberry, something was the matter. It was a big deal when you left my childhood like that! 

But I am glad you are back, in retro styled packaging for the 2014 Halloween Season. Just like all the other boxes in the series, the retro design is 99% the same thing as the original. Even that freaky looking kid in the lower left hand corner of the screen.

Yea, you thought I was going to let that one slide didn't you? Nope. That is the whole point of doing these reviews separately. It gives me a better chance to gush about dumb things like that kid.

That nightmare fueled fucking kid. With his stiff, expressionless grin and bizarrely angular hair line. He creeps me out. And the worst part is no matter what place you move to in the room, his one moronic looking eye follows you around. It is impossible to escape his sight. He watches you masturbate at night.

2014 Monster Cereal!
Click for Larger Image!
Back of the box also features the epic looking cardboard mask. Still to small for a human head... but guess what? That still does not matter. I am a big fan of the fact that Frankenberry so bluntly likes to point out that he is a monster down in the lower left. Each box features its own corny little saying down there but for some reason this one is my favorite.

He sounds less like he's trying to convince us that he is a monster and more like its a bit of self encouragement. Just picture Frankenberry standing in the bathroom, repeating the phrase "I'm a monster." to himself over and over in the mirror, as tears of strawberry gently slide past his porthole shaped eyes.

Also his head looks like a ballsack. Just a great big pink ballsack with a thermostat on one side. You are a monster indeed, Frankenberry.

Tomorrow we cover the cult classic Boo Berry!

1 comment:

  1. Totally my favorite of the big three for sure. There's something magical about strawberry fingernails...

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