Friday, December 28, 2012

Christmas Town Archives Updated!

Quick Update: If you are still in the mood for some last minute Christmas cheer be sure to give a look at the recently updated Christmas Town archives, located at the top of the page. There you can find all the holiday articles I wrote in November and December as well as links to the Christmas in July countdown posts from earlier in the year.

Stay tuned for some new material coming in early January!

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas & Candy Cane Oreos!

Merry Christmas Everyone! I know its late in the day and by the time most of you will get around to reading this the holiday will be over. That's alright. Most of us are ready to move on from the madness that is Christmas.

I hope you all received whatever was jotted down on your Amazon Wish List with a few surprises mixed in. The surprises are what Christmas is all about.

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Here is my 'haul' for the year. My family has never been one to go completely overboard with gifts. At least not for a long time now, anyway. Working from left to right you can see a the two disc version of Tim Burton's Batman film, already watched that one this afternoon... if not for nostalgia it would be tough to recommend it to a younger audience who only knows Christopher Nolan's films.

Next is Max Payne 3 for the Xbox 360, a kick ass Walking Dead sweatshirt, black embroidered Vikings football, Vikings watch, Jared Allen and Adrian Peterson cards (with cases and stands), one huge Minnesota Vikings sign, that I plan on getting filled with player autographs, and in the very back is a shirt and hat combo filled with lots of skulls and whatnot.

Of course the real reason why we are here today is not to discuss what Santa brought me for Christmas. Nope, we have far more important things to talk about then that. Folks... I've saved the best item for last: Candy Cane Oreos are an honest to god thing that exists!

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Astute readers may remember back during October when I wrote about Candy Corn Oreos I made a half hearted joke about candy cane flavored ones showing up in December. Turns out I was correct.

These babies arrived in early December, possibly as an exclusive to Target (I'm not spending the 30 seconds it would take to Google that) and if you are quick enough... could probably still score a package or two before retailers pack up and put Christmas into hibernation.

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Trust me, they are well worth tracking down. I'll save you guys the normal long winded review of the packaging, the sights, and the smells that come along with Candy Cane Oreos and keep it simple (after-all it is Christmas). These cookies are great.

They look like Christmas, smell like Christmas... feel like Christmas. Candy Cane Oreos are the perfect item to bridge the gap between taking down all the sights and sounds of the holidays while still holding onto a little piece of the season that you can call your own.

And when you've finally ate the last of these Oreos... saying goodbye to the holiday season will be all the easier.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! I'll be back in 2013 with all new kinds of content.

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Candy Cane Peeps!

Peeps. Once exclusive to the month of March  they have slowly worked there way into just about every major holiday. If you can celebrate it, chances are there is a themed Peep to accompany it.

Fate has brought us new Candy Cane Flavored Marshmallow Peeps for 2012. And while they will not set the world ablaze like Candy Corn Oreos did earlier in the year, I think its pretty obvious that Candy Cane Peeps will be the defining item of the 2012 Christmas Season.

Christmas Peeps
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And this candy couldn't have come at a better time. Christmas is twelve days away and once again its been another unusually warm December with almost no snow. Its Christmas but only sometimes technically feels like it. We need reminders that in a couple weeks all of this jazz will be slowly but surely phased out. Replaced with the horrors of Valentines Day and other boring festivities.

Candy Cane Peeps stand as that great reminder. Telling us all to celebrate our festivities now before the holiday gods take it all away and Santa goes back into hibernation for the next eleven months.

Christmas Peeps
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Taken completely out of context, Candy Cane Peeps look remarkably like something out of an Evil Dead film. Anyone who tells me otherwise is full of it. Those red sprinkles look enough like blood splatters to have me completely convinced this is the case.

As somebody who is not that big of a fan of the traditional marshmallow Peep, I am here to tell you that these alternative candy cane flavors are good. Really, really good. Eat a whole package in one sitting good and not feel the least bit ashamed about it.

The key here is the bottom half of the peep has been dipped in a hard chocolate coating, while the top portion has been made to taste minty. The end result is basically a York Peppermint Patty shaped like a blood splattered bird. And it works on so many levels.

We have reached a point in which time is of the essence as it pertains to the holiday season. I've so many different things left that I need to do and chances are so do all of you. So while you are out finishing up that last minute holiday shopping, pick up a package of Candy Cane Peeps and try to enjoy these last few weeks we have with Santa Claus.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Warrior X-Mas is F*cking Crazy!

Slowly but surely I've been reviewing the old Warrior comic books from the mid 1990's. A series of graphic novels based around former WWF professional wrestler The Ultimate Warrior.

For those inclined you can check out my recap of the first book right here as well as the somehow even stranger second issue here. Warrior, both the comic book and the person (Jim Hellwig, the man who portrays the Warrior character had his name legally changed to Warrior) are certifiably insane. So when I first learned that for some reason the short lived series included a limited edition Christmas themed book, I didn't even bother wondering why... I just knew I had to have it.

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And it turns out this book is stranger than you could possibly imagine. My biggest complaint with the other Warrior books was how incredibly incoherent the dialog/monologue sections are. Most of the time you just have to use your own interpretation as to what the hell is going on.

This Christmas book... features no dialog. None. It doesn't even have a story. Just a collection of bizarre drawings featuring the Ultimate Warrior frightening small children and sodomizing Santa Claus (more on that later) To be quite frank, I'm not even really positive that what we are about to look at even qualifies as a comic book. But good god is it single-handedly the strangest piece of Christmas related fiction you'll ever see.

The book is laid out as follows: No story. No dialog. Just a series of two page "fold outs" that involve Warrior and Santa Claus interacting with one another. Typically in an increasingly stranger and stranger fashion. Each drawing was done by a different artist and a couple of them are in entirely different art styles.

I'm going to show you guys every page, because most of them are things that once you see... you can never unsee. You'll see what I mean. If this sentence makes it past the final edit, just assume I'm drunk.