Subway's FrankenWeenie Bags!

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I was on lunch break a couple days ago and decided to head over to Subway to check out the newly advertised tuscan chicken sandwich, which for the record tastes kind of like processed shit.

It was at the checkout counter that I spied them, a huge stack of FrankenWeenie 'Trick or Treat' sacks. I knew I had to have one.

Attempting to play it casually, I made small talk while my order was processed. Hows the weather. Been busy today. That sort of polite junk that you say to strangers working customer service so they don't spit in your tuscan chicken. All the while waiting for the ever illusive question "will that be everything for you tonight?"

"Actually, I would like one of those FrankenWeenie sacks if you don't mind." was my response, which seems to me like a reasonable enough request. It was at this point that I was shot 'the look' by the kid working the cash drawer.

What is 'the look' you say? You'll know 'the look' when you see it. It's the same one your dog gives an answering machine when he hears someones voice coming out of it. Surprise quickly overran by astonishment and a hint of anger.

'... those come with the kids meals." Son-of-a-bitching kid, this was exactly the type of conflict I wanted to avoid. All I wanted from life at that specific moment in time was a shitty tuscan chicken sandwich, a large drink of whatever that blue stuff is my Subway sells, and a FrankenWeenie sack. This is not a complex matter.

"Well, is there any chance I can buy one?" I say, attempting to avoid eye contact with the line of customers that I know are directly behind me. All of them wondering why some dipshit is holding up the line poking and prodding for a kids Trick or Treat bag.

"I'm actually not sure. Would you like me to call up my boss?" Sigh. Conflict. No, actually I really wouldn't like you to call up your boss over a stupid FrankenWeenie sack. I'd be perfectly fine with you charging me full price for the kids meal, plus my sandwich and mysterious blue drink, and then tossing in the FrankenWeenie sack as a bonus.

"Yea, sure... if you would." Because at this point stopping the attempted purchase of the FrankenWeenie sack would seem stranger than finishing the purchase attempt.

"What seems to be the problem?" Was how she greeted me, Mrs. Subway Manager Lady, as she made her way out of the back room. Flinging off a pair of disposable rubber gloves in the process.

"I would really like to know if I can purchase one of those FrankenWeenie sacks... without the kids meal." Did I really say 'really' within the context of a sentence involving the words "FrankenWeenie" and "kids meal" in correlation to my desire to own one? Crap, now I sound like a lunatic.

"Yes? Yes... we can do that. I just have... to... remember how." Success! Now, I just have to find a way to casually explain to them that not only do I want a FrankenWeenie sack... but this entire time I've had my eye on one specific sack in particular.

"Is there any chance I can get the one... with him and his dog on it together." Well I guess if the folk who work at Subway are going to think I'm loony, I might as well go the extra mile and get exactly what I want out of the deal.

It took seventeen more steps than it should have but as you can see by the photo above I did indeed leave Subway with a FrankenWeenie Trick or Treat bag. And not just any bag but the one that I specifically requested.

I even sat around and took multiple photos of it with my camera phone after I finished eating. It seemed like the only logical thing to do at that point.

I have absolutely zero plans to ever watch the movie 'FrankenWeenie'.

But I do one one of the Subway bags.

Maybe tomorrow I'll return and see if they have any of the others.


  1. Good for you for getting what you want!

  2. i am the manager of subway's corp office... and i well don't know... umm. we were much happier when Gerrard was fat...

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