Friday, September 21, 2012

Box of Boogers!


Box of Boogers. I cannot explain all the feelings that you are making me feel. My heart is in overdrive and you are behind the steering wheel. If I could marry a single item from the 2012 Halloween Countdown, I am absolutely positively for sure that it would be this one. And that is really saying something in a season that's seen Candy Corn Oreos hit the market.

We have not even reached October yet and Target has already filled its shelves with some of the best Halloween items I have seen in years. Old friends have gotten fantastically freaky package upgrades while some of the best new items to hit stores in what seems like forever have started popping up like an uncontrollable rash. 


Folks, if this is any indication for what the next month and a half has in store for us then Halloween 2012 is going to be one for the Guinness Books.

Halloween Candy
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"TANGY GUMMY BOOGIES that LOOK and FEEL REAL!" Never has a product description summed up the contents of a sealed box more perfectly than this. Indeed, you are looking at a box of gummy candies that have been made to look like motherfucking boogers.

It came as a bit of a surprise to me that the glory known as 'Box of Boogers' has actually been for sale since roughly 2008. That's right, I've gone four years without realizing this stuff exits. And I go out of my way to look for interesting things like this to write about.

Clearly the spirit of Halloween is on my side this season. This also proves that no matter how much you may think you've seen all the sights, heard all the sounds, and ate all the boogers that Halloween has to offer... you should never skip a season.

No matter how big or small, Halloween will always find a way to impress each and every year. This season, for me personally, this box of boogers rejuvenated my Halloween spirit when I needed it the most.


Halloween Candy
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Just in case you somehow are not convinced by the front of the box that this is the single greatest Halloween item ever invented, I present to you the back of the box. No doubt you'll notice the disgusting chef first and foremost.

Looking like a cross between a White Zombie album cover and a piece of Ed Roth artwork, this chef is enough to catapult Box of Boogers into a stratosphere all its own. A stratosphere colored like snot.

And it does not stop there. We have another gloriously disgusting tagline "PICKED OUT ESPECIALLY FOR YOU! Booger Flavors: Snottermelon, Sour Green Boogy, Lemon Loogy" Present probably the best fake names for candy gummies I've ever seen!

For as close together as Halloween and Christmas are to one another, they could not be any more opposite of a holiday if they tried. You'll never find SNOTTERMELON for sale come Christmas Eve. SNOTTERMELON is clearly an indulgence best served on Halloween and no other time of year.

I'm also naming my fist born son 'SNOTTERMELON' ... because that name is far to great to simply be forgotten once October is over with.

Halloween Candy
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They look a tad bit more like lumpy peas than actual boogers but you know what... the overall presentation here more than makes up for the design of the gummy. Besides, could anything possibly live up to the expectations set forth by such an awesome package design?

How do they taste? Who cares! I'm more interested in taking photographs with one up my nose. See below example:

Halloween Candy
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Inevitably, one of these things will end up your nose. I don't care if you are seven or seventy eight. When you have a Box of Boogers sitting in front of you the only way you know know for sure how close they look and feel to the real thing is to stick one up your nose and find out.

Turns out they smell pretty good to. Just remember not to eat anything you've stuck up your nose. It's best to keep these things separated...  I fully endorse freaky Halloween related activities but eating something you've taken out of your nostrils is in fact pushing it.

Halloween Candy
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I love Box of Boogers. They are the sort of Halloween candy that the 'bad kids' on the block get to indulge in. The sort of freaky, disgusting item that your mother frowns upon you purchasing. But you know what, fuck her this is Halloween.

Go out and buy twelve boxes and use them as stocking stuffers come December 25th. You bloodsucking, booger eating freaks.

2 comments:

  1. Rolling on the floor laughing my ass off! So that's what you were talking about before? Your poor mother! The picture of you putting one in your nose is freaking hilarious! As we used to say when I was a kid, "You may think it's good, but it's snot!"

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  2. How have I never heard of this??? Box of boogers = awesomeness.

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