Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Topps Wacky Packages!


Click for Larger Image!
Have you guys ever heard of "Wacky Packages" ? Chances are if the name does not ring a bell as soon as you see photographs of these cards you will instantly recognize them. Wacky Packages are a series of trading cards that originally began production by Topps in 1967. The concept behind them was to basically mock known name brand products. While they began life as simple baseball cards then soon morphed into a series of stickers sold in baseball card style packages. Wacky Packages were an instantly successful line that has been produced on and off since there inception. Today we are going to take a look at a few of the modern cards!

Wacky Packages are one of those items that nobody ever really asks for yet most kids end up with at one point or another. Maybe one day you are sick and your dad brings you home a couple from the store or you buy some with the leftover change you got out of your weekly allowance. Nobody sets out to collect these things but once you get your first taste of them, they are hard to put down. The two packages we are going to be taking a look at came from 2005 but the concept has really not changed since 1967. Enjoy and please forgive the occasionally blurry photo =)

Click for Larger Image!
VERMINA RAT CHOW! -- Is an interesting way to start out this series. Be warned I did not sort these cards one bit. Whatever order they came in is the order that we are going to review them in. Therefore we are starting off with Rat Chow, which is not one of my favorite cards in the bunch and one of the few photographs that turned out sort of blurry. Live and learn, I guess. This card is mocking some brand of cat food that I cannot seem to quite remember the name of. You'll see a strange trend in the cards that has to do with cat killing. I don't know what is up with that. Really don't.

Click for Larger Image

OLD FASHIONED QUACKER OATS! -- Strictly for the birds! I like the generic Donald Duck face that Topps imposed over top of the Oatmeal guy's head. Not one of the strongest cards in the set but still a pretty good parody. I should note that this card is one of the "rare" magnets instead of a flat out sticker. Meaning that you are free to stick this on your refrigerator and not have to make a commitment to looking at it for the rest of your life. I wish more of these were magnetic. Magnetic things rule.

Click for Larger Image!

LICEOL! -- One of the stupider cards in the set, Liceol could have been much better the this. Though I do enjoy the goofy looking guy on the front of the bottle. Personally I think they should have added more bugs crawling around on the inside of the container and shooting out of the front of the nozzle.

Click for Larger Image!
AQUAFINAL! -- I really don't know what it is about this card but I enjoy it quite a bit. "Meet your maker water for mortals and morticians" ... its Aquafinal water! In my opinion its stupid little gags like these that make Wacky Packages so much fun to open and sort through. Is it dumb? Yes. But I think that is kind of the point of these things. Aquafinal gets bonus points for the little RIP gravestone and the fact that they changed part of the label to read "6ft under"

Click for Larger Image!

FINAL STEP! --This one is funny. A little twisted but still funny. Final Step is some EXPLOSIVE LANDMINE Cat Litter. What I enjoy about this particular card is the background images of cats exploding up into the air via landmines. Good stuff. See I really wasn't kidding when I said that we would be seeing some cat killing cards here shortly. This Final Step card is great, I mean just look at the goofy looking expression on that cats face. It makes it alright that you know it is moments away from exploding into a million chunks. And speaking of exploding cat chunks, take a look at this next card.

Click for Larger Image!

HOUNZ TOMCAT CAT-CHUNKS! -- This one has a lot of information going on, not a good thing for Wacky Packages. These spoofs should be easily recognizable and straight to the point. I really had to look at this card to see what the gag is, which is ketchup that is made out of bits and pieces of cats. More dead cat jokes too, see I told you someone has a thing for disliking cats at Topps. Thus far we have killed rats, cats, and presumably people with the Aquafinal water. I wonder what PETA thinks of Wacky Packages. Ehh, you know what scratch that last thought. I actually don't.

Click for Larger Image!
MRS. RASH! -- Dirt Free Poison Ivy Blend Mrs. Rash! Its quick, its simple, its to the point and you know what... I like it! So it turns out there are a couple of these cards that, while I enjoy them, are so straight to the point that they don't leave much room for discussion. Mrs. Rash is one of them. I feel the need to at least hit an actual paragraph for every photo, though. Its a weird thing I have. If your looking for any more actual information about Mrs. Rash, I already told you there isn't anything else left to say. We should probably move onto the next card. Sticker. Wacky Package. Whatever.

Click for Larger Image!

CHOKIN' IN THE SEA: GUNK LIGHT TUNA! -- I am not really sure how I feel about this one. I get that it is a joke and no I am not offended by the "dolphin unsafe" logo or the "canned in Alaska" bit but things like oil spills and the environmental repercussions of them are not something that should be taken lightly. I am a big of an animal rights activist outside of this website... and stuff like this I think we can just do without. I'll pass on this card.

Click for Larger Image!
TIRED! -- The washday liquid for the lazy bums. I honestly could have done without this laundry detergent spoof. One of the weaker cards in the set. But you know what we are going to more than make up for it here in just a second. Wait until you guys see Headhunter Helper...

Click for Larger Image!
HEADHUNTER HELPER! -- Another strong entry into the series, Betty Chopper Headhunter Helper is a great parody in and upon itself. Get a HEAD START in the kitchen with Betty Chopper. This one is just fantastic, my second favorite card in the set. I particularly enjoy the evil looking cannibal  take on the Hamburger Helper glove mascot. Everything about this one is just awesome. From the bleeding spoon Betty Chopper logo to the pile of bones down in the lower left hand corner. A lot of attention to detail was put into this one and it shows.

Click for Larger Image!
COUNT FUNKULA! -- I flat out love this card. Easily the best Wacky Packages card that I own and that is saying something, as we just seen how great Headhunter Helper is. Count Funkula is a parody of the Count Chocula breakfast cereals, which I have wrote about in great detail before. Everything about this card is great, from the included "bits of bling bling" to the General Mills parody logo  "Gangsta Shizzle" up in the top left hand corner. I mean what is not to love about Count Chocula dressed as a pimp? His two front teeth have even been turned told! Holy crap this is amazing. I love Wacky Packages!

Click for Larger Image!
CHEAPOS GRUNGY! -- At first glace this one doesn't seem that interesting. Upon closer inspection you will see that this Cheetos parody are actually "cheese flavored packing peanuts" and come with the tag-line "Dangerously Sleazy". I love this card! Between this, Count Funkula and the Headhunter Helper cards somehow the three best cards in the set all ended up right next to one another. The rest of these cards, including the magnet are going to be donated to my friends little son but I plan on keeping Funkula, Grungy, and Headhunter all to myself. It might come as a shock to some of the readers but I cannot keep everything that I write about. And I really don't have any use for a stack of novelty stickers. Besides between writing about them, photographing them, researching them, and writing about them some more I have probably officially spent more time with Topps Wacky Packages than the people who designed Topps Wacky Packages. It will be OK if I let most of them go when I finish this piece.

Click for Larger Image!

DURASMELL! -- Cruddytop batteries that reVOLTS anyone who dares to use them. Durasmell is one of the many Wacky Packages that doesn't really make much sense when you stop and think about it. But then again if your taking the time to think that hard about these cards then you are clearly missing the point. I like this one, if nothing else for the slimy looking green stuff that is coming off from the batteries. That. Is just cool.

Click for Larger Image!
BLISTER! -- The game that breaks you out in spots. Blister is an obvious play on the game Twister. This wins because of how sickly kids are on the front of the package as well as the little box that says "MD get to one... FAST!!!" I also have this identical card that appears to be a temporary tattoo. I didn't bother to take a photo of it because, well its just this photo only in reverse and kind of harder to look at because its a tattoo and whatnot. Just know that it is here and let's move on with our day.

Click for Larger Image!
NUTTY FOOL! -- Iced Tea for Morons. Another one that gave me a brief chuckle, mostly because of the snowman whose tongue is stuck to a can of Nutty Fool. Classic stuff, indeed. It reminds me of that scene from A Christmas Story. The one in which Ralphie gets his tongue stuck to a poll. You know I just realized that I went an entire Christmas season (2010) without once watching that movie. Just goes to show you how strange of a year this last holiday season was. Kind of a bummer when you think about it.

Click for Larger Image!

HAIRY COMBS! -- I have to admit that "Pest Hairy Combs" made me laugh quite a bit. From the nutritional information of 1000 hairs, 50 combs, 0 taste. To the little bit of dialog that says "enlarged to show dandruff" these Hairy Combs are a winner for sure!

Click for Larger Image!
NOTIN'S INVISIBLE BEEF FRANKS! -- Ehh, I could live without this specific card. The gag here is that the hogdogs are invisible. Alright, yea I get it its a play on Nathans world famous hotdogs. I just don't like the way things are worded on this card, not that you can read them as go figure it was one of the blurry photos. You'll notice the top sticker that  says 50% Bigger Nothin's and the very bottom text which reads "You ain't seen nothing's yet..."  actually, I have seen plenty yet. A combination of Headhunter Helper and Count Funkula make ending on this crappy card kind of a bummer.

But you know what, I am still really glad that I took the time to write about these. It kind of gave me a new appreciation for Wacky Packages. That tends to happen about most of the things I write about, even if I like them already sometimes its not until you spend a couple days and a few thousand words with them that you really figure out what it is you enjoy about them. I have had these cards laying around in the package since 2005. When I was still in High School. I picked them up someplace, on a trip to Minnesota I think and never got around to opening them until just a couple days ago.

That tends to happen with me quite a bit to. I have a thing for leaving items in the package and then forgetting that I have them. Purchased in 2005, forgot about until 2011... it was there destiny to end up on this website. Hope you all enjoyed this quick look at Topps Wacky Packages!

2 comments:

  1. For the first card...it's a parody of Purina Cat Chow. I have a bunch of these from various series(Early to late 2000s's). I first got into these in the early 90's when all Topps trading cards were in wax packs and not the now standard foil packs. The wrapper got my attention, and the cards were great. They were in the same vein as Garbage Pail Kids, as they were kind of like gross-out cards. The best one in that set is Stupid Moron Bros. 2, "Moron Madness".

    And, also, it was Flick who gets his tongue stuck to the flag pole in A Christmas Story. Still, it was a good read.

    ReplyDelete