Nobody Likes Holiday Fruit Cake!

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When it comes to Christmas I am a bit of a traditionalist. Not so much in the classic since, I don't refuse to put certain or ornaments on the tree because they are not a billion years old. I don't have any issues with selecting a fake Christmas tree over a real one, as a matter of fact I prefer the fake ones. Point is here I don't feel the need to celebrate the holiday any other way than my own.

You see when I say Christmas traditionalist I am instead talking about my own personal set of things that I do every season. I have to watch the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, I have to have at least one cup of Hot Chocolate, I have to see A Christmas Story on TNT and for some reason I have to purchase at least one Holiday Fruit Cake.

Now I operate under the theory that there is not a single person alive who likes these fruit cakes. There cannot be. I've never seen one. Yet, everyone always ends up with one of these stupid things every year. Some of us even purchase them on our own free will. Why? No reason other than tradition. Christmas just does not feel like Christmas until you've tried to eat one a piece of these.

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And try will be about the only thing you will accomplish. I for one can never manage more than a couple bites of this stuff. Especially the god awful cheap kind like the one I am covering today. For starters, look at it. Can you identify anything in that cake as being fruit. I cannot. In a strange way, fruit cake has always reminded me of pickle loaf bologna. That is not a good thing. I've never been able to figure out why they are so heavy and greasy either. It is a mystery. One gigantic Christmas mystery that nobody understands. Yet here we are. Another holiday season and yet another Holiday Fruit Cake that is going to get thrown into the garbage. Now I'm gonna go listen to the Twisted Sister holiday album.


  1. My parents bought a car roughly around the Christmas season once, and they gave us a bunch of weird extra stuff such as a giant stuffed animal (which I was more excited about than the car, hey I was like 8) and included was a... fruit cake. Buy a car get a fruit cake! What kind of dumb promotion was this?! Anyway, we all tried a piece of it, and it was one of the most horrendous things I have ever eaten. It had a pleasant spicey smell and that's the best that can be said of the seasonal fruitloaf.


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